Being possessive is natural human behaviour.
'Chalti hai kya 9 se 12?'
You're quite happy being single but everyone else isn't! It seems like all everyone around wants for you is to go on a date. Being a single girl in your 20's can be quite annoying. What with all the blind date matches and your parents insisting you get married. I know all this because I've been there, it's my nightmare and I'm here to tell you, you're not alone.
I now know exactly what I deserve.
I won't lie. I wouldn't want to relive the first half of 2016. It was the worst blow my heart's taken in a long time, but to be honest if I was given a choice to erase that year out of my existence, I wouldn't. Because no matter how messed up the first half of it had been, it was one of my favorite years in the almost-30 stint I am heading towards.
I am assuming we've all been through a breakup that's opened a gap within the center of our chests with constant pain spilling out. And mine was no different. It took me a month to let it soak in, to let it register. And from thereon, it felt like a constant battle to not give up on joy and happiness. But the worst breakup of my life has also been the most beautiful thing to have happened to me and these 14 reasons spell out why.
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"I understand" is a far better approach than "I give up".
You've had a hard day at work and your partner hasn't fared any better. There is an uncomfortable silence enveloping the living room, where you both are immersed in your respective preoccupations. Something seems out of order in the house; it's probably the bathroom leak that hasn't been fixed or the bedroom that is beginning to resemble a disheveled shack. This otherwise harmless and rectifiable situation becomes a fresh cause for tension and discord. If you're in a God-awful mood, you might just relish flinging hurtful words at each other.
"You should've done it! Why am I the only responsible person in the relationship?"
"You don't care enough! This isn't a hotel, this is our home!"
"You're a good-for-nothing lazy piece of shit!"
In this situation, let's look at the grim facts.The plumber is not going to present himself anytime soon because its almost dinner-time. Your room can only be attended to over the weekend because frankly, you're both pretty much bummed out after a tiring workday. So, is this how you want to end your day? Arguing savagely over leakages and hygiene issues, when you could be bonding over an intimate dinner or discussing life in general with your loved one?
Yes, your patience is put to the test when things aren't looking rosy. You can't turn around a bad day, but should an awful day have an impact on your joie de vivre? Would you want to ruin together time with your partner over a day that didn't go right?
I read an interesting quote the other day which read- "Never take an argument to bed." I firmly believe that this quote carries some very significant teachings for so many of us who fail to understand the importance of quick reconciliation. Can we afford to waste precious moments on idiotic tiffs and misunderstandings, considering we have so little time available in the week to spare for our loved ones?
Can we ever be comfortable around someone who is constantly snappy and rude at the slightest instigation? Can we ever open our heart to someone who does not show the merest consideration for our feelings? I don't think so. On most days, we need a warm, reassuring hug and a friendly smile that'll make us believe that 'everything will be just fine!'
It may take a split second to fly off the handle and snap at someone, but in the face of a disagreement, it takes a big heart to confront a problem head-on and utter the following words- "I understand."
"I understand you're exhausted. We'll look into this tomorrow."
"I understand. We'll clean up this mess together. Don't worry."
"I understand. This is a problem and it needs our attention. But let's have dinner first!"
These two words are not just assuring... They're healing! While you are entitled to your opinions and arguments, no problem should be big enough to threaten the strength of a relationship.
In friendships or relationships with a life partner, parent, sibling or any other person who remains special in your life, saying "I understand" often can bridge distances and resurrect trust and love between two people.
We must look at being empathetic, seeking solutions and supporting each other.You can only love a person when you're as much accepting of their imperfections as their strengths. So, take that extra step and really try to understand! Another person's difficulties and complexes could be beyond your comprehension, but never let this make you give up on them. If you give this an earnest shot, you may realise soon enough that "I understand" is a far better approach than "I give up".
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A relationship of carelessness, an ending of 'what if'.
and i suppose
the most tragic relationships of all
are those that die
with a 'what if'
what if i hadn't let my demons
sear words designed to hurt you
across my tongue
as they flogged your skin
what if i had seen you for who you were
irreparable, proud, an unchanged
that never needed fixing
you had seen yourself for who you are
brilliance suffocated in self doubt
deep laughter, spreading across my body
like a tattoo that hurts
but holds too much of myself
to be forgotten
we steered clear
from our broken bits
realizing that intimacy
was never meant to cut us
as we bled on each other's jagged edges
we swallowed our pride
that bitter, knife-like pill
and let it act like medicine
balming the wounds we so lovingly gave
what if we saw our differences
and painted them with learning
what if we never turned our fights
into flames, consuming our fireworks
what if we never built a shrine of lies
worshiping them like the devoted blind
looking to each other for sight
what if we held each other's hands
instead of using them to tear ourselves apart
what if we saw our cuts
and filled them with lacquered love
but most of all
we turned our happiness
into an ever after?
Dear Future Mother-In-Law,
Hope all is well at your end. I've been thinking and over-thinking about us so I, finally, decided to write a letter to you and pour my heart out as I wanted to get certain things cleared before we take off on our journey as in-laws.
History, and when it gets to you.
"Every mouth you've ever kissed
was just practice
all the bodies you've ever undressed
and ploughed in to
were preparing you for me.
I don't mind tasting them in the
memory of your mouth
they were a long hall way
a door half open
a single suit case still on the conveyor belt
was it a long journey?
did it take you long to find me?
you're here now,
It is difficult, for you don't just feel passionately possessive about them now, but you want no one to have ever touched what's yours. You want to go back in time an erase every person's name that they ever spoke, for they didn't deserve his voice, did they?
Now stop for a second and think: Isn't everything they are, a result of people they've met and experiences they've had?
Love now, for tomorrow is unknown. Love today, for tomorrow never comes. All you are promised is this moment, this day, this second; and right now it's all you. It's all your love and your magic and all things you make beautiful. Right now, these are your memories. All they did and became and said and did is what got them to you - you craft your destiny now, your future with them begins today - are you ready to waste it all brooding?
See, as human beings, it is natural to feel negative emotions like jealousy and insecurity. Especially when it comes to people we feel too attached to, and things we hold dear. Then comes the toxic "Don't talk to your ex!" "Why did you look at her!" "Who is she? Do you know her?" And where has that ever taken a relationship? It's just a whirlpool of constant brooding, fights and negativity; and for sure, one day it'll suck your whole relationship in.
So grow, grow from today and let the yesterday pass you by like the wind in your hair. Let it bloom the freshly sown seeds in the ground, make a god damned tree out of your love. Things that beautiful deserve to be cared for, not cut down.
You don't have to empty yourself to fill up someone else.
They say that there is a time for everything. And as much as I hate agreeing with this, it's true. Billy Chapata's words happened to me quite recently. One fine day they just popped up on my Instagram's feed and before I knew it I had turned stalker for his pearls of self-love.
But it wasn't just this. His words resonated with my soul for I have been undergoing a transformation like no other. He speaks about raging for the kind of love we all want but are too afraid to ask. He talks about standing tall in your own being and not hesitating to demand all that is worthy of you. And that includes your relationships.