You have to pick yourself up and keep going.
We have way too often been presented with this romanticised idea, maybe through popular culture, movies or just the way our society is - that someone will come with answers to all our questions, someone will help us understand life and will lift all the difficulties we face. From that day on, we won't feel empty anymore. Whether it's a prince charming, a mentor, a partner, a few pills, or honestly even a magic potion - we're always looking for someone or something to make us feel happy and complete.
It's easy to become dependent on someone to pick up your broken pieces and glue you back together. We think we need something outside of ourselves to be complete, or to be fine. But the only person who can truly complete you, is you. And honestly, you are enough.
When you depend on other people to make you happy, you're pushing yourself down a rabbit hole of misery. It leads to unfair expectations and constant disappointments. You might be lucky and have wonderful people in your life who are always there for you - and they will listen to all your problems, perhaps guide you, offer you a helping hand, maybe even momentarily make you feel good - but they can't solve your problems for you. The problems, the emptiness will keep coming back till you look inside yourself. If you are honest with yourself and are in touch with who you are, there is nothing that you can't overcome, nothing that you can't achieve.
Every single person is capable of being the master of their own lives. You can't hold someone else responsible for building the life of your dreams for you. You have to believe that you will do it yourself - because you can! No one can make you feel as good, as satisfied, as blissful as you can make yourself feel. Make it a conscious effort from this moment, to not be dependent on anyone else for your happiness and you will fall in love with the freedom you experience!
Choices. Choices. So many choices.
Let me start by stating the obvious:
Living life isn't an involuntary response that's ingrained in our biology. Everything that we do, is taught to us by the immediate society that we've been raised in.
Take a minute to actually think about this. Still with me?
Being possessive is natural human behaviour.
Because actions matter more than words.
Looking at a person and saying "I want you back" is the worst thing you could do to win them over.
It's like a baby learning about fire. If they burn themselves once, or even feel more heat than they can tolerate, chances are they may never go back near that source of pain, until they know how to maneuver around it without hurting themselves. You may have a fire covered in a glass jar and try to tell them its safe, but until they are sure it's safe - your words will mean nothing.
So why would someone, who has already been on the roller coaster with you want to return only because YOU want to get on it a second time? What security can you provide them with, before asking for something this risky from them?
How would you convince them that since you've been through it once, you know the areas where you need to be better prepared, the areas where you need to react differently and the areas where your partner needs you to be there for them?
1) Don't talk about them in public (at all!)
The whole point is to 'show' them your sincerity and not utter words that may sound like hollow promises.
Oh, and this includes the so called 'positive' things you would want to say because you think it may score you some brownie points. It's simple -
a) if you talk trash, it goes against your desires and
b) even if you try and say something positive, it may be construed as sarcasm or false pretenses.
The best thing to do is to maintain pin drop silence about the whole affair and only ever mention anything about the relationship in front of your ex, if and when you reconnect.
2) Don't play the victim. Don't be the victim either.
Life did not just 'happen' to you. It was a result of the decisions you made (or failed to make!) and the actions you took towards them. Take responsibility for it. Only then will you stand a chance of changing your future.
Plus, no one would want to return to someone whose life seems like a complete mess. Show your ex, that you are okay without them. That you can live without them if you must, but you as a choice, want them back in your life.
3) Understand boundaries!
You must make yourself understand that it is you who wants your ex back. You don't know if they want you back.
Essentially, you are on two different pages entirely in life and therefore, displays of affection, of desire, of apologies that may be okay for you, may be overly excessive for them. Making them feel pressured, stalked, disturbed, cornered or just weirded out is not going to serve your cause.
Instead, listen to you ex, stay within their comfort zone and not yours. Making them feel respected will be, without a doubt, a hell of a lot more useful!
4) Stay single (for a set period of time) even if they don't!
Again! YOU WANT THEM BACK. You don't know how they feel!
Maybe they need to explore the world a little bit. Maybe they need space. Maybe they need to see whether or not they can survive without you. Maybe they are just doing whatever they can to get over you. They don't owe it to you to wait.
However, when it comes to you, messing around with strangers is going to end up defeating your cause, if not entirely destroying it. So even if its hard, stay single. It's one of the best ways to show that you are waiting for them. and are willing to patiently wait till they are willing to decide whether or not you are right for them.
5) Be available when they need you, in whichever form they need you in.
There will be a time when they may call asking for a favor. Or when they simply want to talk. Just reconnect for the sake of nostalgia.
Whenever this time comes, be there for them. As an acquaintance. A friend. A human being. Be there without expecting anything in return. Be available so you are no more strangers. And when you do, make the awkwardness go away in a second. If your thoughts are sincere, your aura will be too.
This is when you can tell them you want them back, but also let them know that you don't want to ask them to return till you've done everything you can to make them want to come back on their own. And then leave it at that.
6) As a final attempt - Complete that one big gesture you had said you would for them
The 'big' here doesn't define the size or the quantity, but talks about an act of love that would mean the most to them. It may have been something they had been requesting you to do for a long time - a quality of yours they would have liked to see enhanced, a commitment towards a job / business / a life goal that they wished you'd made, giving up on an habit that was self detrimental to you - anything that would prove your dedication through action.
Your must be thinking that this sounds risky. What will come of this gesture that you may spend an insane amount of time / energy / money on, if your ex refuses to return?
Lets consider all scenario's:
a) +ve outcome: This may be the tipping point they need to get over their fears about failing at the love game with youagain.
b) -ve outcome: This warms their heart, but it's not what they want in life anymore. In this case, if its a material good - you can sell it/ donate it. And if its a quality, you've just built yourself into being a better human. At least now, when they think of you, they will think with fondness and not regret.
7) Most Importantly - Don't expect them to come back just because you've put in the efforts.
You've moved mountains of them before and now, despite the distance, you've reached to the stars and brought them the moon. But if your ex is looking for the sun, it's best in the long run if they don't return.
Please remember, you are doing this for you. Because you want them back. None of the above gestures are a 'favour' to them. These are for your peace of mind. So even if it doesn't work out, you know you did your best and then some.
These methods may not win you your ex back, but it'll be as sincere an effort as it can get.
And even if it doesn't work out, you'll move on in life as a dignified soul having gone above and beyond to make it work.
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Ranveer Singh is undoubtedly a brilliant actor and a superstar. He never fails to surprise the world with his superb acting skills. He's extremely talented, witty, charming and of course, good looking!
Most of us love and adore him but there are some who aren't really fond of him. If you're a Ranveer Singh fan as much as I am, I'm sure you must have had to hear certain annoying remarks from people who aren't big on his Ranveer-ness. (Duh! How can you not be a Ranveer Singh fan?) Here are a few things that a Ranveer Singh fan is tired of hearing!
I want to say a lot, but I don't understand the first thing about painting. However, I do know how art makes me feel. These artists are wizards, and I am in absolute awe.
Some kinds of art hold the power to change who you are.
Creating something has always been therapeutic for me. Until recently, my universe had only been shaken by books, movies, or the occasional Tanmay Bhat Snapchat segment. A few months ago, I started painting again. It led me to these artists who, I promise, are nothing short of Human Hogwarts.
Warning: These pictures could potentially change your life.
Most of us (withstanding assumption), like to plug in our headphones and tune into some music while we work. Most of us (again, withstanding assumption), are either exhausted or bored to the point of biting our nails come early evening. Most of us (and here I proudly say so), need a playlist of tracks that can bust some of that cheeky stress and get us back into our zen mode. And THIS is where the current playlist in proposition presents itself (*enter: a badass, soothing being*)
This compilation has been constructed out of pure empathy for my fellow working humans. With elements of Jazz, Blues, Indian Classical, Electro, House, Funk and more, these are sound tracks solely composed of musical instruments (my personal favorites being the piano and the flute).
If you need to work like a total boss and not lose an ounce of your shit, better start tripping on these 22.
I now know exactly what I deserve.
I won't lie. I wouldn't want to relive the first half of 2016. It was the worst blow my heart's taken in a long time, but to be honest if I was given a choice to erase that year out of my existence, I wouldn't. Because no matter how messed up the first half of it had been, it was one of my favorite years in the almost-30 stint I am heading towards.
I am assuming we've all been through a breakup that's opened a gap within the center of our chests with constant pain spilling out. And mine was no different. It took me a month to let it soak in, to let it register. And from thereon, it felt like a constant battle to not give up on joy and happiness. But the worst breakup of my life has also been the most beautiful thing to have happened to me and these 14 reasons spell out why.
When you learn to love again.
If you've found true love the second time around, the VERY FIRST THING you've gotta do, is to look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself about how incredibly lucky you are. The Universe has presented you with a gift - a gift of love that you got to give and receive, to experience, in all its pure, infinite glory, TWICE.
I have loved Pablo Neruda for years, because he convinced me that I am worthy of the universe. By the end of this discussion, you will know why the cosmos beats in your heart.
"I want you to know
You are important. More than anything you pledge your life to. I want you to know that there is nothing that matters more than you. Not your parents, not your siblings, not even the love of your life.
When the apocalypse strikes, and everybody is running helter skelter, you will be on your own.
And if you must know the secret, darling, the apocalypse is Everyday.
"You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,"
It always will. The yellowing pages of your scrapbook heart have memories etched on them. Names you fully remember, faces you almost forget.
You'll find his face in the dog-eared pages of library books.
One day, your playlist will shuffle into a 90s song, and the crowd around you will disappear.
You're back in school, soaking in the smell of 36 boxes of tiffin.
Back in the arms of your 9th-grade-lover.
Back to a 2 a.m phone call, a baritone reciting Shakespeare, and everything that made you the queen of the world.
"I understand" is a far better approach than "I give up".
You've had a hard day at work and your partner hasn't fared any better. There is an uncomfortable silence enveloping the living room, where you both are immersed in your respective preoccupations. Something seems out of order in the house; it's probably the bathroom leak that hasn't been fixed or the bedroom that is beginning to resemble a disheveled shack. This otherwise harmless and rectifiable situation becomes a fresh cause for tension and discord. If you're in a God-awful mood, you might just relish flinging hurtful words at each other.
"You should've done it! Why am I the only responsible person in the relationship?"
"You don't care enough! This isn't a hotel, this is our home!"
"You're a good-for-nothing lazy piece of shit!"
In this situation, let's look at the grim facts.The plumber is not going to present himself anytime soon because its almost dinner-time. Your room can only be attended to over the weekend because frankly, you're both pretty much bummed out after a tiring workday. So, is this how you want to end your day? Arguing savagely over leakages and hygiene issues, when you could be bonding over an intimate dinner or discussing life in general with your loved one?
Yes, your patience is put to the test when things aren't looking rosy. You can't turn around a bad day, but should an awful day have an impact on your joie de vivre? Would you want to ruin together time with your partner over a day that didn't go right?
I read an interesting quote the other day which read- "Never take an argument to bed." I firmly believe that this quote carries some very significant teachings for so many of us who fail to understand the importance of quick reconciliation. Can we afford to waste precious moments on idiotic tiffs and misunderstandings, considering we have so little time available in the week to spare for our loved ones?
Can we ever be comfortable around someone who is constantly snappy and rude at the slightest instigation? Can we ever open our heart to someone who does not show the merest consideration for our feelings? I don't think so. On most days, we need a warm, reassuring hug and a friendly smile that'll make us believe that 'everything will be just fine!'
It may take a split second to fly off the handle and snap at someone, but in the face of a disagreement, it takes a big heart to confront a problem head-on and utter the following words- "I understand."
"I understand you're exhausted. We'll look into this tomorrow."
"I understand. We'll clean up this mess together. Don't worry."
"I understand. This is a problem and it needs our attention. But let's have dinner first!"
These two words are not just assuring... They're healing! While you are entitled to your opinions and arguments, no problem should be big enough to threaten the strength of a relationship.
In friendships or relationships with a life partner, parent, sibling or any other person who remains special in your life, saying "I understand" often can bridge distances and resurrect trust and love between two people.
We must look at being empathetic, seeking solutions and supporting each other.You can only love a person when you're as much accepting of their imperfections as their strengths. So, take that extra step and really try to understand! Another person's difficulties and complexes could be beyond your comprehension, but never let this make you give up on them. If you give this an earnest shot, you may realise soon enough that "I understand" is a far better approach than "I give up".
Feature image source
When you know it's time to move on.
I am just not in love with you anymore.
There I said it. I finally said it.
It's out there now. It's suddenly real. All this while it was a figment of my imagination. A stream of thought that popped up, that I dared not acknowledge. But now, this mouth you once kissed with fervent passion, these lips that smiled at the knowledge of your very existence, have spoken words that they believe will cause agony, and all with no remorse. All I'm hoping for now, is that you've heard what I've just said. Hoping, ever so desperately, just so I don't need to say it again. You just nod your head in denial. It seems to be more of an involuntary physical response. The reaction is so instantaneous that I'm agitated by what I know as your ability of selective hearing from the eons we spent together.
We are all constantly changing, evolving, growing. And growth, more often that not, is tough. It is chaotic, messy, and it requires you to hold yourself gently when the winds get rough. This one is for the times when you're right in the middle of the storm, right at its center and when all you want is for it to get over. At the same time, the mere thought of giving up feels wrong for you can see your bloom coming.
Hello, hello, fellow earthlings!
I am not the kinds to force a hug on anyone lest they feel uncomfortable. (For I know there are humans who do not like being embraced). But I RECOMMEND HUGS FOR EVERY LIFE PROBLEM, EVER. Now that that's out of the way, let me tell you all the goodies a single hug can get you.
A good old hug can make you smile, feel warm and fuzzy on a crappy day, relax you to a point where you're almost a sloth and generate oodles of love. So if today's the day you really want a hug but have no one around to cuddle with, I am sending you these. (Yes, I love you.)